i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
