There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
