Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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