were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
