I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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