"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
