I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize