I could make wine with my vomit
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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