There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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