There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
