She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
