i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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