Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
