Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
