I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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