I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
