Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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