I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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