@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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