So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
