I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize