I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
