after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
