It's Friday. Sex?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
