This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
