hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
