so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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