i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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