i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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