i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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