hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
