He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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