My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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