He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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