Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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