Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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