What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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