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im gay
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At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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