At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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