Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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