Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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