dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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