babies were throwing up all over the place
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
