Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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