Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
