May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
