I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
