My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
