I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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