anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
