i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
