Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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