i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
