I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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