they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
