You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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