I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
