I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
