I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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