My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
