dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
only if we run a train.
done.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
