i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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