Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
