I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ladies don't puke and tell
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
