I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it glows. i had to have it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
