I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My feet surprised me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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