my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
are you so shy because you have an std?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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